Thursday, January 28, 2010

HOW TO TELL WHEN BARACK OBAMA IS LYING

His Teleprompter is plugged in.



from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

LOSING NATIONAL WEIGHT

Barack Hussein Obama is proposing to reduce national spending by $25 billion in his trillion dollar annual budget. That’s like setting aside one potato chip as you devour a family-sized bag and expecting to lose weight.

Monday, January 25, 2010

A NAME FOR THIS MESS

The Great Depression had a name - The Great Depression! I think our current economic situation also should have a name. Therefore, I dub what's happening these days: The Hopey-Changey Recession. We voted for it and, doggone it, we ought to get something for our money.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A PLAN FOR WORLD PEACE

Lately I have seen a most worrisome trend going on. And, no, I don't mean things like the belligerence being displayed by China, Iran, North Korea, or Venezuela.

I mean, this push to curb obesity in this country. Every time you pick up the paper or turn on the TV, there's somebody chiding you that we're too fat. That we're eating too much. That we're not getting enough exercise. That food's got too much fat. That we're guzzling too many empty calories from soft drinks. On and on and on.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I've come to believe that obesity is a positive thing.
After all, how many wars have been started and fought by fat people? How many robberies and assaults are perpetrated by the hefty class? Who's ever seen fat people running away from the scene of a crime?

And not only Americans, I think people worldwide should be encouraged to pack on the pounds. Who's going to fight who if they're too busy grazing on Big Macs and French fries? If more people got fat, there'd be damned little time to think about nuclear aggression and armed conflict.

Anyway, it seems to me that heart disease and high blood pressure are a small price to pay for world peace. I think we ought to be promoting weight gain.

If you agree, wave a French fry in my favor.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

HOW TO IMPROVE RADIO

In trying to enjoy a sporting event broadcast on radio, could we for once NOT have to listen to public service announcements about alcoholic mothers, drug addict children, starving children, drop-outs, abusive spouses, gambling addictions, skin diseases, cholesterol worries, heart ailments, diabetes, erectile dysfunction, government announcements crying about people wasting water, and full-fledged lectures exhorting us to exercise more, drink less soft drinks, and eat fewer hamburgers. Couldn't we just enjoy the festive nature of sports and not the depressive nature of reality?

Call me old-fashioned but I long for the days when all that filled the airwaves between time-outs was beer commercials and car ads.

A SOLUTION TO THE PRESIDENT'S PROBLEM

In watching Barack Hussein Obama, the Communist nut case who currently occupies our White House, rail to the point of apoplexy aganst the insurance and banking industries, I have a suggestion that should solve his beef with them.

Mr. Obama, if you have an insurance policy, cancel it; and you should rush right down to your bank this very instant and take everything you have out of there, put all your millions into a large bag, take it back home, and hide it under the mattress.

The rest of us can continue to take our chances with insurance and banks and you, Mr. Obama, can once again sleep peacefully, content in the knowledge that you've gotten back at the filthy rotten greedy scoundrels who run these institutions.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

CONSTITUTIONAL TOILET PAPER


a cartoon dedicated to the memory of freedom...© Clyde James Aragon & licensors. All rights reserved

Friday, January 8, 2010

WHAT'S SO PROGRESSIVE ABOUT PROGRESSIVES?


by © Clyde James Aragon

After reading in my local paper yet another glowing article about the 'Progressive' Movement, I have to ask, what's so progressive about it? What do they even stand for?

Freedom? Turning our medical system over to government bureaucracies will lead to more freedom? Letting the EPA control CO2 will lead to more freedom? Our Obama nose rings should come with perfume sprayers so we aren’t overwhelmed by the stench of tyranny.

Lower Taxation? In order to pay for socialized DemocratCare, we're going to see tax increases for four years before we see any benefits, meanwhile our Congress can pretend to balance the budget with this money and allow themselves some more middle-of-the-night spending sprees. The coming cap-and-trade legislation will be another tax increase on rich and poor disguised as an environmental palliative. And printing money to pay for trillion dollar deficit spending only devalues the money, robbing all of us, and thus acts as yet another tacit tax increase.

American Sovereignty? Standing behind the scam tree of climate change/global warming/bad CO2, Progressives would turn America's environmental laws over to United Nation's control so that not only would the first step toward world government be taken, we could be forced to pay global reparations for our past success. There's nothing like watching our constitution turned into recycled toilet paper.

National Security? Amidst the Obama spending spree, the only budget cut I saw was at the expense of our military. You remember them? The ones who defend us, die for us, and fill up Arlington Cemetery for their efforts. After feigning outrage at troop deaths under President George W. Bush, these Progressive sheep in wolves clothing said nothing while Americans shed their blood in Afghanistan waiting for Barack Obama to make a decision on General Stanley McChrystal's request for more soldiers. With friends like these, who needs Al-Qaida?

Technological Prowess? The whole purpose of life under Progressives is the acquisition of health care and the preservation, at any cost, of the environment, thus, technology would not be needed for anything else. Plus, we're now seeing the government dictating executive pay which will further discourage anyone from starting or running a business. Making bosses pariahs and declaring profit an obscenity should combine to finish off capitalism and personal industry.

Happy Society? Political correctness frowns on everything. You' re chastised even if you compliment someone. And if that doesn't work, thanks to Progressive hate speak legislation, prepare to be sued for your humorous remarks, looks, or snorts. Irony may make a comeback.

After 200 years of being in business, government should be getting OUT of our lives not creeping back. Instead, Progressives want us to further worship it. We're headed toward a nation of men without manhood and women without brains who will be more than glad to wait patiently for a permission slip to head down to the bathroom of life.

Progressives? Bah! Unprogressives is what they are and what they should be called.
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graphic © Clyde James Aragon & licensors. All rights reserved

THE OBAMA BAT HOUSE


As New Mexico Senator Jeff Bingaman would say, we don't need to know what's going on as they complete health reform in the secrecy of the Obama bat house. It's enough that Americans will be allowed to clean up the guano.

graphic © Clyde James Aragon & licensors. All rights reserved

THE UNITED STATES OF TWO AMERICAS


by © Clyde James Aragon

As the difference between Republicans and Democrats intensifies, as their arguments become shriller, as the national deficit approaches critical mass, it's obvious we've reached the point where conservatives and liberals simply can't live together. We bicker endlessly over taxation, government control, school prayer, and the Second Amendment. We don't even speak the same language these days. For instance:

Liberal: The land belongs to the people, man. It's social justice that allows us to walk freely upon the earth.
Conservative: Get off my lawn, damnit!

However, rather than partition America and try to divide its property evenly, there is one way we could still coexist. That is, create separate national corporate entities and activities apart from each other which would meet the wants and needs of each group. We would have separate sales buildings and work and play areas all well-lit and properly demarcated so that no one would accidentally enter and be offended by what he or she saw. Here's what we would find in a new America:

Liberal Motors: products: Toyota Prius, Honda Civic, Chevy Aveo, Mini Cooper, skateboards, roller skates, pogo sticks
Conservative Motors: products: Cadillac Escalade, Chevy Tahoe, Ford Explorer, Sherman tank, air craft carrier

McObama's: products: horchata, tofu, soybean curd, hummus (remember, hummus IS people)
McDonald's: products: Pepsi, fries, Big Macs, bigger Macs, heart attack Macs

Liberal Heating Corporation: products: solar energy, wind power, bicycle generators, wool blankets
Conservative Heating Corporation: products: gas, oil, nuclear energy, coal, ski jackets

Liberal News Media: products: Air America, New York Times, AnyBS TV news
Conservative News Media: products: Rush Limbaugh EIB network, Wall Street Journal, Fox TV

Liberal Law Enforcement: products: Eric Holder, PeeWee Herman, ACLU
Conservative Law Enforcement: products: Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Dick Tracy, Judge Judy

Liberal Shoe Store: products: Birkenstock, Rockport, Timberland, Ugg, Nike, Reebok
Conservative Shoe Store: products: whatever's on sale

Liberal National Security: products: Peace Corps
Conservative National Security: products: Navy Seals, Army Rangers, Marine Corps

Liberal Health Care Provider: products: witch doctors, over-the-counter medicine, obituaries
Conservative Health Care Provider: products: Mayo Clinic, prescription medicines, tanning salons

Liberal Sports Activities: products: squash, croquet, soccer, planting trees, crocheting, running away from fights
Conservative Sports Activities: products: baseball, football, boxing, hunting, fishing, beating up liberals

As you can see, the nation could be preserved well past the next election if we all decided to agree to disagree and hang out in places where we could rub elbows with the people we honestly respect. So let's give unity a chance before it's too late.

Oh, and stay off my lawn.
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graphic © Clyde James Aragon & licensors. All rights reserved