Thursday, February 18, 2010

I EAT, THEREFORE I'M TAXED

by © Clyde James Aragon

With implications for the entire country, in the state of New Mexico, our 2010 legislature is coming to an end and once again we are being called upon to bare our necks and feed the Vampire Hog of Government. And in the action-speaks-louder-than-words category, the Democrat Party, which has run this state for the past 70 years, has managed, in spite of a half billion dollar deficit, not to close unneeded departments, stop unnecessary spending, derail our money-sucking Rail Runner choo-choo, or even remove anyone from our bloated state payroll not even, as a local TV news investigator discovered, employees running non-existent museums or just showing up to pick up nice fat government checks.

For you see, rather than cutting spending, our legislature is going to increase taxes. One of the proposed taxes that was within inches of becoming law here in hispanic New Mexico, was a tax on hispanic foods like white flour tortillas, hard taco shells, salsa, and red chili pods. This would have been like putting a snow tax on Eskimos or a hurricane tax on Floridians. Of course if they'd held their ground they would have gotten away with it because they know that all we ever do in New Mexico is grumble for a couple of weeks and then return to our brainless, happy-go-lucky selves.

But if Barack Obama is as smart as everyone claims he is, he will sit up and pay attention to what our politicians almost did here which he can use to solve his own trillion dollar deficits. If Democrats could try to tax ethnic food in New Mexico, imagine what they could do nationwide. Plus, if successful, the dietary dragon lady Michelle Obama would no longer be able to castigate us over our heft.

But where would he start taxing? Well, why not with the President's own racial group - blacks. And for this, we can thank Questlove, Jimmy Fallon's 'Late Night' show bandleader, who posted a picture on Twitter of the NBC Universal commissary menu which was created in honor of Black History Month: fried chicken, collard greens, black-eyed peas, and cornbread. A six percent surtax right off the plate.

Who's next? Wow, America has a diverse population and the ethnic buffet is mouth-watering to a Democrat politician in need of spending money. Those of Germanic background would have their sauerkraut and bratwurst taxed. Louisiana Cajuns would see the cost of blackened catfish and gumbo rising, and the Irish might notice a mild price increase on green beer and corned beef-and-cabbage though the latter would be reduced slightly to take into account electric wind generation. (Oh, and a new St. Patrick's motto: Tax me, I'm Irish!)

Greeks would be expected to plunk down more for gyros and souvlaki, Native Americans on frybread and mutton stew, and French-Americans would pay more for, uh, whatever it is they eat. And I don't think there's a Swedish-American amongst us who wouldn't cringe at forking over more hard-earned dollars for gravlax.

The Jewish people in America have long supported the Democrat Party and surely wouldn't complain when their gefilte fish and matzo balls come with an extra charge. The same for Latinos where you wouldn't hear a peep out of them over costlier tamales, chimichangas, and refried beans.

Italians also would be asked to participate in national budget balancing with revenue enhancements on pizza and linguine. (As the late Chico Marx might have said, "Thatsa spicy tax!"). The Poles living in Chicago could feel a dollar or two pinch on their kielbasa at football games and while this might rob them of their appetites, their attention would soon wander off to the on-field exploits of Da Bears. The Japanese would see their cash swimming away on higher priced sushi, Indians would look wistfully at Tandoori priced just out of their wallet's reach, and will we ever see a Chinese fortune cookie on our plate again?

Nevertheless, tough times call for tough action and if we follow the progressive thinking of the New Mexico state legislature and their delicious food tax, our country stands a good chance at economic recovery.
So Mr. Obama, dust off that deli counter cash register. Maybe, just maybe, we Americans will be able to eat our way back to prosperity.
 
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/