Friday, December 23, 2011

THINGS TO THANK BARACK FOR

In the past few years I have been openly critical, even downright churlish, in regards to our President Barack Obama. I have lambasted his economic policies, socialized medicine plan, foreign apology statements, and inept leadership. But perhaps I have been too harsh. Maybe there are a few silver linings in the dark clouds of gloom he has blown over this nation. And I as I look over his record and its effect on my life, yes, there are many things to be thankful for these days.

Take unemployment. At the beginning of his administration, Mr. Obama boldly promised that if his stimulus plan was immediately passed, the jobless rate would never exceed eight percent, Today, as it hovers between nine and ten percent and as they count people who've given up looking for a job as employed, we reap the blessings of his foresight. Re-wording an old song, 'when I had a job, my pockets did jingle'. Now, as those pockets are empty, they last longer. No large quarters, pompous nickels, or shy dimes to tear them apart. In fact, all of my clothing from assembled-in-Mexico pants to Chinese shirts lasts longer without money or pocket protectors wearing things out.

One great thing about being unemployed, is I no longer have a job I have to go to. That means sleeping late on cold mornings and doing the siesta on hot summer afternoons. No frozen jalopies or sweltering cars for me. No, sir. And the great thing, people who DO have to get up every morning and trudge to work are working for ME. My unemployment check arrives like a Capistrano swallow every week. My only complaint is having to go down to the bank to cash my unemployment check. What a hassle to have to stand in line with one or two people in front of me.

Another fantastic aspect of the Obama Administration is that, thanks to his way of mulling over issues, you can blame others for your problems. Used to be people looked down their noses at grown-up crybabies. Now they're celebrated like foreign dignitaries. Lose your home? Blame the banks. Repossessed your car? It's avaricious General Motors fault. Can't afford a tin of gourmet coffee? Pull out your index finger from its pocket holster and aim it squarely at any grubby grocer you pass. Have to buy an aspirin? It's Big Pharma's fault you have to wait until they're on sale to bring a bottle to the checkout counter. Even if you break into your neighbor's house you'll get a pass. It's society and the economy's fault!

Finally, of all the many things I will give thanks for this year, perhaps the best of all is that I no longer have to deal with friends of the Democrat/Liberal/Progressive/Socialist persuasion. Do you know how good it feels not having to listen to their childish prattle at their dull parties? The Obama Administration is worth its weight in gold for having given me the courage to jettison the entire lot. No longer do I have to walk in to someone's home and hear them boast that they've bought a new antique roadster or Amish end table or Irish toaster. What a relief. Shee, you don't see me go all Lady Gaga every time a polyp busts out on my neck, do you?

Well, President Obama may be doing many things, he may be tanking the economy, he may be creating a whole universe of disdain for us ugly Americans all around the world but, darn it, there are still a few things he's given us that's made life worth looking forward to aside from November 6, 2012.

Bless him for that.

by © Clyde James Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*