Friday, November 16, 2012

REFLECTIONS OF A DISENCHANTED POLL WORKER

Over the past week I've seen plenty of articles written about what Mitt Romney and the Republican Party did wrong in losing the presidential race. Given that most of these have come from Democrat pundits and knowing how much they despise Republicans I wondered why they even bothered to write these op-eds in the first place. You'd think the demise of the Republican Party which they helped to accomplish would be satisfaction enough.

But even the leaders of the Republican Party began to opine the same thing although here in New Mexico it was pretty obvious what happened. State GOP Chairman Monty Newman and his cadre of mystery Republican county chairmen once again pulled their election year disappearing act. If it wasn't for fundraising and campaigning by Governor Susana Martinez and the individual efforts of Republican candidates the party's fate would have been worse.

Interestingly the party of Lincoln which freed the slaves lost to the party which beckoned them back into bondage with welfare checks, food stamps, and Obama phones. Like Rush Limbaugh said, "Who can compete with Santa Claus?" even if this Democrat Santa Claus only offered moral and cultural poison. Hey, but it's free poison.

It's not that the Republican Party has changed in its attitudes or ideals but, rather, that the American people have. I worked early election and Election Day and got to stare straight into the face of what America has become. And that face is ugly, ignorant, and very very frightening.

Most of the time as I was at my election job I felt as though I had been transported directly into the horror movie "Night Of The Living Dead" only instead of decaying corpses, these were living, breathing Democrat Zombies standing before me demanding to vote for Barack Hussein Obama. Not the bonds, or the constitutional amendments, or any of the other candidates on the ballot just Barack Hussein Obama. What was frightening about it was that the fate of our nation depended upon this public, a citizenry so stupid many couldn't even fill out the ballot. Some lacked the intelligence to fill in the little circle with their black pens, a few check-marked their choices, and still others double voted on many ballot questions.

One woman didn't even know that several judges were up for retention. One fellow asked me what he should vote for on the amendments and bonds and all I could tell him is that he was the voter and it was up to him to make that decision. Another man declared loudly that he voted for all the bonds because "they always pass any way". Ya think?

Democrat Zombies were happy to announce to one and all of their voting preference and old and young, smartly-dressed and sloppy, tall and short paraded past my work station tossing off their uninvited envious, anti-rich, anti-business asides all the while revealing their hypocritical religious crosses dangling from their necks oblivious to what damage they were about to do to this country.

I can't really blame these Democrat Zombies, though. After all, the Democrat Party has done an enviable job of taking full control of the Triumvirate of Propaganda: the mainstream media (sure there are a few conservative voices out there but seeing their recent effectiveness they probably ought to be called 'classic talk radio'); public schools and universities (where you have many of the mostly openly anti-America people in the country protected by unions and tenure sourly teaching our children); and the entertainment industry (which is a talented bowl of wall-to-wall perversity).

No political party, not the Republican, Libertarian, Constitution, or whatever party, could have defeated the ideological and giveaway juggernaut that is the modern Democrat Party this past Election Day. And so I printed out ballots and bit my tongue and bided my time until the whole process was over.

If there's anything I took away from my experience is that Charles Darwin was wrong. The Democrat Zombie is proof positive that monkeys evolved from people.

by © Clyde James Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Sunday, November 4, 2012

POLITICAL PUPPIES

A big-time Democrat was out for a walk one evening when he came upon a house where children were huddled around a box of just-born puppies. He was impressed at how beautiful the little dogs were and said to the children, "What kind of puppies are those?"

"Democrat puppies," cried the children.

"They're beautiful," said the Democrat and went home proudly.

A week later, a Liberal friend of his came over for a visit and the Democrat said to him, "Let's go down the street. I've got something to show you."

Well, the two went over to the house with the puppies and now the little dogs were running all around the yard with the children boisterously chasing after them.

"Children," said the Democrat, "tell my friend here what kind of puppies those are."

"They're Republican puppies," cried the children.

The Democrat was shocked and embarrassed. "But last week you said they were Democrat puppies!"

"Yes, but now they've opened their eyes," said the children.

a re-worked joke by © Clyde James Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Monday, October 8, 2012

THE UNITED STATES OF VENEZUELA

It's interesting to see that Hugo Chavez has once again been re-elected to the presidency of Venezuela using the time-tested methods that Democrats in this country have used to stay in power since Franklin Delano Roosevelt pioneered the process - namely using the national treasury to bribe their way back in office.

Skillfully doling out purloined oil revenue, Chavez easily bought the loyalty and the vote of the Venezuelan poor and ignorant, ensuring the Venezuelan poor and ignorant that they will remain in that state as long as Socialism is the law of their land. In this, U.S. Democrats defer. Here, our politicians use taxes and borrowed Chinese money to accomplish the same purpose, pumping out plenty of Welfare cash. Unlike Mr. Chavez, though, they have no qualms about reducing the dollar to a quivering mass of overprinted nothingness.

Year after year and election after election this profligate Democrat spending strategy has been shown to work.

And like my grandfather used to say, "People are like cows. If you feed them they won't go out and look for food."

America has become a nation of cattle.

by © Clyde James Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Friday, September 28, 2012

OUR STATE GOVERNMENTS ARE ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE $16 TRILLION NATIONAL DEBT

I was at the recent forum on the Rio Grande/Candelaria roundabout in Albuquerque, New Mexico which had to be held at the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center because the city has absolutely no place for people to meet. Ms. Debbie O'Malley, my non-representative on the Albuquerque City Council, stubbornly told us the city would be building the roundabout come hell or high water and the rest of us be damned. I don’t understand why, with this attitude, she didn't send Francis the Talking Mule in her stead.

We were forced to listen to whiny walkers,‭ ‬whiny horse riders,‭ ‬and whiny bicyclists yet not a word in defense of us common motorists.‭ ‬I'm surprised they didn't demand we apologize for driving on the streets.

But she said one thing which has stuck and bothered me more and more. She stated that if we didn't spend the money we would lose it. Really? This is not tax money coming back to us, it is not coming out of some pot of surplus federal money, it is an additional million dollars more of federal DEBT added to the 16 trillion dollar pile we already have. This is not good stewardship or representative government, it is pure irresponsible and selfish immorality. This is why this country is in the financial mess it is in.

If there's any law we need in this country, it's one that demands that not one penny come from Washington for state or local spending until the financial mess they've created up there is fixed. Many decry entitlements for Welfare and Medicare and Medicaid but no one has talked about the other entitlement problem we have a problem with, namely Government Entitlements. Ms. O'Malley, my non-representative on the City Council, well illustrated this when she opened her mouth. We are entitled to this debt money.

If you look through just a few pages of the Albuquerque Journal and its archive you see so many things funded by federal grants just in New Mexico which either should be paid for by us here in this state or are of highly dubious value other than to the people receiving federal grant debt money.

For instance, just last week we saw the Keshet Dance Company receive a million dollar grant. Hogwash! We don't need this pocket picking. If the Keshet Dance Company wants operating money, let them go to their patrons to get the cash or have car washes or sell candy bars but they shouldn't be using the federal treasury to do their fundraising for them.

In 2011, the Corrales Volunteer Fire Department was awarded a $94,050 federal grant for "operations and safety programs, including training, personal protective equipment, wellness and fitness, and health and safety modifications to stations and facilities". Again, this is spending that should be funded out of the wallets of the people in Corrales.

The Farmington Fire Department also took advantage of federal largesse by grabbing $170,000 in 2010 to use for operations and safety programs. Once again, this should be paid for in and by the people of Farmington.

Here in Albuquerque, some federal money was used to landscape Interstate-40 between Coors and Unser and to add color-changing LED lights. Given the aching federal bottom line, we couldn't live without these additions even if for a little while?

This year, Santa Fe scored a $1.92 million federal transit grant to buy six natural gas-powered buses. People of Santa Fe, buy your own damned buses.

In true grotesque fashion, the National Endowment for the Arts gave Theater Grottesco a $10,000 grant to remount its show, "This is Life as We Know It". And the NEA also coughed up nearly one million dollars in grants for arts projects in Albuquerque, Las Cruces, Santa Fe and Taos, the ten New Mexican recipients being everyone from Albuquerque's Tricklock Company to the Catholic Diocese of Las Cruces Foundation.

We are so helpless in enforcing our laws in this state that last year the New Mexico Department of Transportation had to be awarded a $142,192 federal grant to enforce seat belt safety laws. Other than the state happily pretending that their efforts are effective, you'll not find a nickel's worth of change in this area.

In the Bureaucrats Must Weep Department, this year Albuquerque lost half of a federal grant that paid for crews to pick up trash once a month in the Trumbull and La Mesa neighborhoods. Excuse me, this should come out of our water bill and there should be extra cash for the city given that they no longer have to buy expensive fluoride for our drinking water.

Last year, the Lovelace Clinic Foundation got a $102,000 federal grant to help hospitals and medical professionals select and purchase computers and other health information technology equipment. What, there are no computers in our hospitals already?

Also, last year, The Institute of American Indian Arts in Santa Fe got a $215,000 federal grant to help build administration offices, a conference center and classrooms. Like the pueblos don't have casino money sitting around that they could donate for this purpose?

Even mighty Gallup has gotten in the act by applying for $40,000 for a "smart toilet distribution". Under the proposed program, 150 properties would receive free toilets with installation parts, a low-flow showerhead, and two low-flow faucet aerators. Whatever happened to the homeowner paying for such improvements? Gallup must be flushing with pride.

Everywhere you look you see our local governments acting like unfed orphans grasping for any federal debt dollar they can find. However, if you ever want to honestly start dealing with our trillion dollar federal deficit you have to first shut off the debt pipeline flowing from Washington to all our state governments.

Welfare is not just for poor families anymore, it's the pot of gold at the end of the federal rainbow for greedy governments all across this nation, and Ms. O'Malley, my non-representative on the City Council, merely put a spotlight on that activity and that attitude.

by © Clyde James Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

THE HYPOCRITE-IN-CHIEF

The United Nations was given quite a taste of Barack Obama's hypocrisy when he recently lectured them on religious rights and free speech. In this country, via his Obamacare plan, he's been busy trying to ram birth control insurance provisions down the throat of religious organizations and corporations who don't march in lockstep with the atheists of his Democrat Party, the majority of whom wanted to ban the word "God" from their party platform.

In watching Mr. Obama perform his duties on and off the golf course, he has shown an overwhelming penchant against Christianity. What he has yet to do, and I'm sure it's coming any day now, is issue a presidential edict censoring church sermons for preaching against homosexuality and abortions. Certainly, hate speech seems to be anything anti-Obama.

Perhaps pop singer Madonna is right in calling him a Muslim. Of course, given how the Democrat Mainstream Media has kept America in the dark over his true background, we know more about Mitt Romney's dog than the many Communists, America-haters, and radicals who personally influenced this man.

If America doesn't wake up by November 6th, we will deserve everything we get from this lunatic fraud.

by © Clyde James Aragon with Gilbert Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A THOUGHT ON CHICK-FIL-A PROTESTS

It's quite ironic to see homosexual groups protesting in front of Chick-fil-a restaurants. If there weren't male chickens and female chickens, there wouldn't be no chickens at all.

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Friday, July 27, 2012

BEING IGNORED IN ALBUQUERQUE WHILE BEING LISTENED TO

Living in Albuquerque, New Mexico and yesterday having gone to the public forum regarding the roundabout which will be built at the intersection of Rio Grande and Candelaria NW (in spite of a half-hearted attempt by the City employees to pretend it was not a done deal, I mean, they had a rough start date and completion date), I was struck by the total dishonesty of the set-up.

First, in the grand tradition of City preparation, it was held in a room designed for 80 people even though it had been advertised in the paper and on a mobile billboard on Rio Grande and there were people banished to the outside.

Secondly, the people running the show came prepared with no sound system for us to hear and, after spending a half hour setting up chairs and showing us a movie, gave us a half hour to comment, not nearly enough time although they did suddenly pull an extra half hour out of their hat to let us talk. And talk we did but I'd say they received far more public criticism than the adulation they were expecting.

Thirdly, where was Councilor Debbie O'Malley? She sent a non-talking proxy apparently not wanting talk to us face to face. She could have at least pried her herself from under her desk at City Hall and come down. And where was Mayor Berry? He shows up on TV every day promoting every spending project he can come up with. Not even a non-talking parrot representative from him.

And make no mistake, this is another city spending project to justify positions and salaries downtown. It will cost us taxpayers a half million dollars in local funds and it will cost us taxpayers another million dollars in federal funds to build this 'circus' as one woman called it. (Is it just me or does it seem immoral to be taking money from a federal government which is already trillions of dollars in arrears? Our unborn grandkids just gotta love us for this.)

Maybe I've grown old and cynical but these bureaucratic charades leave me screaming inside with such a feeling of powerlessness. Anyway, I left the meeting and drove through this deadly, soon-to-be-dissected intersection. Strangely enough, I survived the excursion to write this letter.

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

THE PROGRESSIVE BROTHERHOOD

Say what you want about Egypt and their newly-elected Muslim Brotherhood government. Here in the United States we've been running under a brotherhood for several years now - the Progressive Brotherhood which had taken over Congress in 2006 with the majorities in the Senate and House. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi were the first sign of what was to come and finally, with the election of Barack Hussein Obama, the takeover was complete. We've had milk and honey ever since.

So what is the Progressive Brotherhood you might ask. I'd say it's an unholy alliance of progressives, liberals, leftists, socialists, marxists, communists, anarchists, atheists, anti-capitalists, environmentalists, gay activists, radical feminists, politically-correct multiculturalists, anti-constitutionalists, animal rights advocates, Occupy Wall Street freeloaders, moral relativists, legalize drug militants, vegans, vegetarians, Spandex-butted bicyclists, hedonists, left-wing university professors, third worlders, mainstream media liars, libertines, and roues.

Stay tuned, things are only going to get better under them.

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
and see more of him at http://www.zazzle com/cja_the_humorist

Sunday, July 1, 2012

SAD SAD AMERICA

Thanks to the incompetent and hideous judicial ruling of Chief Justice John Roberts and the liberals on the Supreme Court we can now clearly see the direction we're all headed. Given all the IRS agents that are being hired and the immense build-up of bureaucratic parasites that are going to be needed to enforce Obamacare, it looks like America will become a nation whose sole purpose will be for half the population to keep it's eye on what the other half is doing.

Who would have believed that it would take less than three years to rip asunder what we had created in 200 years all with the willing aid of brainless women and testicle-deficient men. And the once-venerated can-do attitude of Yankee ingenuity has been replaced with an empty, resigned Welfare mentality.

Big Brother would never, in his most outlandish schemes, have dreamt this possible.

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at  http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Friday, June 1, 2012

WHERE HAVE ALL THE ENVIRONMENTALISTS GONE?

In watching the Whitewater-Baldy Complex Fire consume acre after acre of trees and grassland here in New Mexico, I wonder where are all the environmental groups who scream and shout and sue every time anyone wants to graze animals in our forests, or do logging, or clean off brush, or even set foot on our public lands.

As we watch our precious resources go up in smoke, I wonder where are all these environmental groups and environmentalists and nature lovers and Forest Guardians and Sierra Club members and lawyers and forest 'experts' whose monstrously ignorant and self-indulgent environmental wisdom has helped lead to this. How come they're never around when the sparks fly, when the ash falls, or when the smoke befouls our air? Why aren't THEY out fighting our fires?
 
by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Saturday, May 12, 2012

HOTEL DE FOOLS

HOTEL DE FOOLS, text of the complete comedy stage play by Clyde James Aragon, is now available for upload to your Kindle at
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0081LODBW

HOTEL DE FOOLS is a full-length two-act stage play comedy. The action takes place in the lobby of the Hotel de Foels and revolves around the unseen corpse of a Mr. Thompson who is found dead in the hall. The hotel happens to be the site of the first annual Detectives United for Humanity convention (DUH) and its three members (Ascot, Payday, and Wormwhistle) spring into action trying to figure out who killed the man. There are three guests in the hotel: the beautiful Marta and her younger, homely sister, Esmeralda; and the awning salesman, Wally Bing. Along with the hotel owner, Maxwell Foels who is perpetually plagued by telephone callers making fun of his hotel's name; there is his insecure bellhop, Anthony; overworked cook, Mrs. Vargas; and enamored janitor, Hector. From the author of those OTHER Kindle books "Abandon All Hope -cheerful humor for impossible days" and "No Sharp Edges".

Thursday, May 3, 2012

HYPOCRISY AS USUAL IN ALBUQUERQUE

Why the clamor in Albuquerque, New Mexico for Bernalillo County Commissioner Michael Wiener to resign? So he went to the Phillipines and unwittingly ended up being photographed there in the red light district. He went on his own dime and is unmarried.

As I see it, he's only guilty of being a white Republican male. I noticed no one at the Albuquerque Journal (which seems to be spearheading the drive for Wiener's removal) raised a peep when the homosexual group PFLAG recently said they were going to hold their own prom for high schoolers who share their unnatural orientation here. Apparently heterosexuality is wrong but sodomy is okay.

It is fascinating to watch this strange behavior from the same media which not so long ago excused Bill Clinton's adultery by claiming it was his own business. Liberals seem to view their hypocrisy as a moral privilege, I guess.

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

THE RESURRECTION – an election year tale



To some, this may seem like the hazy ramblings of an old man recollecting the sanctified past, but I think it's high time the truth came out over the presidential election of 2018. I was a brash, young Turk fresh out of Harvard's School of Politics with one election under my belt and I experienced the whole thing ringside. And if you don't believe me, you can always look it up in the Congressional Record.

The election of 2004 was an odd one. It started going downhill in May of 2017 at the Poughkeepsie Democratic Caucus. It was the first time in the nation's history that there were more people selling hot dogs in a convention building than there were delegates. And the Republicans didn't fare any better. They couldn't even come up with the rent for the hall when they met in Iowa that summer for the country's first electoral grassroots planning session.

America in those days had turned cynically apathetic. And cynical apathy is the worst kind of apathy. Like they told us in politics school, people with cynical apathy don't contribute toward your re-election campaign. And that's as bad as it can get.

Things were sliding off the mountain fast. Everything pointed to an abysmal disaster for the election on December 12, the day after the World Series ended.

Me and a few of my Senate colleagues were down at Voltaire's, a nice eatery near the Capitol, talking strategy on how to bring the Soup Reduction Act to a full Senate vote. It was there that we got our first glimpse of Professor Moldrow Manx's restorative process. You know, we thought he was the house magician at first but it turned out he was trying to get the management to invest in his new method for freshening up old fish.

They had set up a small platform for him in the area where the restaurant's guest musicians played some nights. The professor had his lab equipment crackling away with static electricity just like in those old horror movies. He was intent on showing not only the owner but the customers as well how fresh a menu could really get. He made a short speech about magnetic fields, flipped a couple of switches, and then brought a full plate of lobsters back to life.

It was weird. One minute they were lying there, basking in lemon butter, and the next, they were out clopping their pincers and nipping the waiters.

And to show everyone that this wasn't a fluke, Professor Manx got some frog legs twitching and had a red snapper flopping all over a casserole dish. The guy could have leveled a sushi bar.

But we got to talking and thinking about it when it hit us like an ethics committee subpoena. This was our solution to the country's leadership problem.

If the professor's process could bring dead fish back to life then, certainly, it could bring a dead president back from the grave. Give the people what they want. This was it.

We grabbed the professor before he could leave and gave him our idea. He agreed it could be done but he'd have to build a larger apparatus. It would cost.

Right then and there I was volunteered by my buddies to bring the matter to the Senate's attention and to get the funding for this most noble of causes. I really didn't want to, not being on the science committee and all but, what the hay, it had to be done for the good of the country.

My speech the next day was a glorious one. I know I only brag when I say this, but it contained every florid noun, every patriotic adjective, every galloping verb that has ever existed in the context of political demagoguery. It was a rainbow of a speech and it's still replayed occasionally on late night C-SPAN. I was proud of it.

The effect it had was deluvial.

There arose from the ranks a marvelous gasp of surprise and delight. Senator after senator nodded and clapped and whistled in approval and amazement at this plum of a disclosure.

Senator Brainbottom was the first to speak.

"Let us bring back Roosevelt!" he cried.

"Three cheers for Teddy!" seconded Senator Moxfire.

"Not that Roosevelt," protested Senator Brainbottom. "Franklin Delano."

"What's wrong with Teddy?" asked Senator Moxfire.

"He was a Bull Moose," snorted Senator Brainbottom, offended at the thought.

"How dare you, sir," huffed Senator Moxfire. "Teddy wouldn't have put up with that kind of slander."

The applause and cheering continued over the exchange.

That is, until Senator Cyril Gratelock of Texas piped in, "Hey, wait a minute. Roosevelt was a Democrat. What about us Republicans? We should be heard, too."

Senator Gratelock was minority whip.

"Yeah, let's bring back Eisenhower," added Senator Ventmore.

"What about Truman? Can't we bring back Truman?" asked Senator Pinehassle. He was the senator from Missouri.

"What about Garfield? He never got to finish his term," said Senator Manglemoss.

"You people make me ashamed!" yelled Senator Dorechuck of Vermont. "What ever happened to that greatest patriot of all - George Washington."

"No, no, it's been too long," said Senator Stagestreet, shaking his head.

"But we could fix his teeth," said Senator Dorechuck. "It's the least we could do for him."

Well, things went on from there. It snowballed after awhile. Every president there was had his loyal, stubborn following. The only bright spot in all this is that we did manage to put up some of the money for Professor Manx's new machine although it was about 17 percent less than what he'd asked for.

As time passed, we were captured in a web of political machination, of infighting, of old favors being called in, of backs being stabbed, of feelings being snubbed. In other words, politics at its most professional.

Finally, by the end of the third week, after fending off an usurptive drive by the House of Representatives, it was decided that each party, Republican and Democrat, would have a president of their choice brought back and that they would run against each other. That was the easy part. The hard part was yet to come.

The floor of the Senate turned into a war zone of opinion. Intrigue fluttered in the air with such comments as

"The Montana coalition wants Lincoln. I say he's unelectable. I mean, good God, man, he looks like an unmade bed. Sure, sure, he freed the slaves but he'd never go over on TV and that's where this election is going to be decided."

and

"The UMW is lobbying hard. There's PAC money for FDR."

and

"What the devil's wrong with Coolidge? He was good for business. We'll find him a place to go fishing if we have to."

If you didn't get enough political calisthenics on the Senate floor, there was more to be had outside. Mobs milled about shouting, "We like Ike! We like Ike!" The Save MacArthur Foundation opposed Truman. Colorful kites flying overhead demanded that another historical figure be considered - Benjamin Franklin. On top of all that, I was getting mail from some group calling itself the Red Whig Brigade threatening to have me recalled if I didn't support Millard Fillmore. There was enough pressure on us to trigger an atomic bomb.

But at last, after what seemed like eons, a vote was scheduled.

There was an enormous feeling of energy in the Senate chamber that morning. Even the weather outside added to that sense of excitement for it was stormy and great peals of thunder shook the building. A few chosen speakers were given the floor to let loose a volley of oratory over our grave duties. Things were flowing steadily until Senator Bleat took to his feet.

"My fellow senators," he started out in his loud bass voice, "I've come here today to try and persuade you to do the right thing. Instead of ramrodding each party's choice down the ever-sore throats of the people, I say we have a national referendum on this issue and let them decide."

Instantly there was a woodpile of boos in protest of this suggestion. The senator tried to continue but was shouted down.

"We can't trust the people to bring back the right president," hooted one senator. "That's what they elected us for."

Another added, "You give them an inch and pretty soon they'll be expecting us to pay attention to them. Be gone, we've work to do."

Nothing that was shouted would stop Senator Bleat. Right before our eyes he launched a filibuster.

About then, my aide came dashing up to me and whispered, "The professor's outside. He says the machine is ready to go. He wants to know which cemetery we want him to go to."

And as if that wasn't enough, a messenger walked up to the Vice President who was presiding over this madhouse and handed him a note. He took one look at it and stopped all conversation in the room.

"I have just been given this communication," he boomed. "It is from the Supreme Court. It would be advised if you would pay attention. This is what it says, 'A president resuscitated through artificial means does not constitute life as we recognize it. Only a living president may hold office.' It is signed The Brethren."

That was it. The party was over. Back to the drawing board.

I was very depressed. I crawled out of there and got good and damn drunk that night. The next morning I woke with one doozy of a hangover. Serves me right, I suppose, for trying to play God and all.

That about ended the affair. Senator Dorechuck did somehow convince Congress to bring back Washington to fix his teeth. George got kind of ticked at that, though. Said he'd been having a nice dream and, what with the Supreme Court decision on him not being alive, he couldn't even sign a contract to buy a car. This reanimation thing was a real imposition on the dead.

As for me, I served for another ten years until an old college football knee injury flared up. It got so I couldn't run away from the angry mobs of taxpayers that stalked about D.C.'s shopping malls.

I've been away from Capitol Hill many years now. It all seems like a dream. Yet I still can't quite get out of my old gray head that one point in time, that shiniest of America's shining moments, and when I pause to think about it, a tear comes to my eye at the thought of who could have been.

# # #

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*
and on Kindle

Monday, April 30, 2012

MICHELLE OBAMA - the most dangerous woman in the world

Lately, if you were to scan the headlines of our major newspapers, it would be hard not to reach one obvious conclusion: Michelle Obama, the First Lady of the land, represents a devastating threat to mankind.

Through her initiative "Let's Move!" she has called for healthier food in schools, better food nutrition labels, and more physical activity for children. And her personal campaigns against childhood obesity have reaped the reward of her perseverance. Company after company has pledged to jog a more nutritious path. Even Wal-Mart, Olive Garden, and Red Lobster Restaurant, solid icons of capitalist independence, have capitulated and been forced to sell healthier foods.

Michelle has traveled tirelessly across the country to chide us over our weight. On school campuses and at health fairs she tells us we're eating too much. That we're not getting enough exercise. That food's got too much fat in it. That we're guzzling too many empty calories from soft drinks. On and on and on. Like we didn't know.

However, if you examine the facts, we don't need less fat people. On the contrary, we desperately need MORE fat people.

Doesn't she see the great contributions fat people have made to our world over the years? Winston Churchill helped defeat the Nazis in World War II. Orson Welles made movies and sold wine. King Henry the VIII ran renaissance England for decades. (True, he did behead a few wives, but who's perfect?)

And what of the economic value of the obese. How would McDonald's fare if no one bought Bic Macs? Where would the clothing industry be if no one purchased plus sizes? Just look at the what's happened to the snack industry now that sales of Twinkies and Ding Dongs have gone down. Bankruptcy, ruin, and job loss. An omen of things to come if this madness continues.

Still, she overlooks the many places where fat shines. Sports, for example. There isn't a professional football quarterback around who doesn't take comfort at the sight of 300-pound blockers keeping opposing players off his back. Or Sumo wrestling. How would a 90-pound weakling do in the ring against a typical Japanese behemoth? Not well, I'd bet, even if he DID eat all his vegetables.

The more you think about it, the more you've got to believe that obesity is a positive thing.

Domestically, how many robberies and assaults are perpetrated by the hefty class? How many fat people squeeze through skylights, jimmied windows, or air shafts to break into banks? How many fat people commit grab-and-go shoplifting crimes? Who's ever seen fat people running away from the scene of a crime? Name me one single fat cat burglar.

And internationally, Michelle Obama's demands pose a greater threat to world peace than China, Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela combined. After all, how many wars have been started and fought by fat people? Who's going to pick up a grenade launcher or a machine gun and head out to the battlefield  if they're too busy grazing on chile dogs and onion rings? If more people got fat, there'd be damned little time to think about nuclear aggression and armed conflict and more time to think about the things that really matter in life: candy bars and Chee-tos.

Anyway, it seems reasonable to argue that heart disease and high blood pressure are a small price to pay for world peace and technological advancement. We ought to be promoting weight gain.

Enough of Michelle Obama's crusading. Can't this woman be stopped before it's too late?

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at  http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Sunday, April 8, 2012

ODE TO ALBUQUERQUE'S NEW POET LAUREATE

Albuquerque, this city of Mine-o
Run by busybody liberals, consultants, and RINOs
Finds every way possible to spend our taxes
Which they cleverly set to the maxes
But now to this ever-tightening lariat
They've added a brand new Poet Laureate
Like monkey see and monkey do
Other cities have one and we have to have one, too
A person to cheer us and drench us in praise
So they can justify a culture tax to raise
In the meantime they want to increase our sewer and water
'Cause we're using much more than we oughter
Yet what money they've got they've spent close to the red
And we need this new Poet Laureate like a hole in the head
So verily this be an admonition that whoever you elect
Will never give us taxpayers any real respect
And sadly, my friends, it illustrates no matter who rules
Albuquerque will always be run by big-spending fools

by © Clyde James Aragon

from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

NEW MEXICO'S CRYBABY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS

It's pathetic watching the childish, infantile, spoiled brat, chicken dropping attitude on display by the Democrats at the Greedy Roundhouse. They apparently still haven't gotten over the fact that New Mexicans freely elected a Republican to the Governor's mansion and in their feeble way are trying to make life miserable for her by not confirming her nominees to run the many departments in state government, never mind that they rubber stamped any creep former governor Bill Richardson dragged into this state.

And why is that great 'gentleman' Ben Lujan blocking her initiatives like getting rid of the crooked everybody-gets-a-drivers-license law and doing something about our public schools passing third grade illiterates? In case he's forgotten, we taxpayers are paying for this sulking stupidity.

Enough's enough. This collection of crybaby Democrats needs to be thrown out this November along with a few state supreme court judges.

They work for us NOT the Democrat party.

by © Clyde James Aragon
from "Full Frontal Stupidity" - http://fullfrontalstupidity.blogspot.com/
see more of him at http://www.zazzle.com/cja_the_humorist*

Friday, January 27, 2012

HEMINGWAY: The Last Daiquiri

One of the pleasures of being a writer is that a lot of your friends are writers and you get to see what they're up to. One of my friends is the poet Nilda Cepero of Coral Gables, Florida who has just published a new book titled HEMINGWAY: The Last Daiquiri. Nilda was born in Cuba and her childhood days there and the memory of the great American writer who spent much time there are the inspirations for this new book of poetry. There are numerous historical photos of Hemingway in Cuba and Key West, Florida and most poems begin with a quote from him. Here is one poem from the book:

TROPICAL SPLENDOR

     For a true writer, each book should be a new beginning - Ernest Hemingway

Havana changed
forever
after you came ashore
A conga of rhythms in
ruffled skirts and
brews of pungent aromas
trailed you

The forever women
Hadley, Pauline, Martha, Mary
- and others in between - queued
For every book a romance
(Fitzgerald's quote)
Your fantasies
starting in Paris
also came. Shadows
all the way
to Vigia

In love with the Island
like Cole Porter
Always a dreamer, you
longed for and
imagined a new beginning
Unpredictable
all your hopes
sadly turned
a dead-end

© Nilda Cepero from HEMINGWAY: The Last Daiquiri

Lest I be accused of being biased here is a short review by Frank Varela, author of Caleb's Exile:

"It's fashionable now to denigrate Ernest Hemingway's reputation as a man and as a writer. That's why I highly recommend reading Nilda Cepero's homage to Papa in HEMINGWAY: The Last Daiquiri. She gives us an honest portrait of Hemingway that moves beyond stereotype to the central essence of the man."

Nilda Cepero is the editor of LSR (Latino Stuff Review) [1990 to 2005] and Ambos Mundos [2004 to the present]. Her writing has appeared in literary journals in the U.S. and Europe. She is also an accomplished photographer and singer and had her first exhibition: Paris, Poetic Images Of Night And Dawn at the Alliance Francaise in 2007. Her previous books include Sugar Cane Blues, Lil' Havana Blues, A Blues Cantata, and Bohemian Canticles.

HEMINGWAY: The Last Daiquiri (ISBN: 978-1-890953-09-6) is a perfect-bound paperback available through Amazon.com at:
http://www.amazon.com/Hemingway-Last-Daiquiri-Nilda-Cepero/dp/1890953091/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327711698&sr=1-1